Michael Bay has once again infuriated back-story purists, this time among fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The Transformers director is set to helm the live-action reboot of the pizza-munching super-amphibians’ adventures, and has let slip that there is to be a new origin story in which Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael and Leonardo are in fact aliens.
“Fans need to take a breath, and chill,” he posted on his website. “Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.”
Now, as anyone over the age of 25 knows, the four turtles were unwanted pets flushed down a New York City toilet, where some radioactive gunk interacted with their genetic makeup, causing them to mutate (they are mutants, Michael. This is gospel you’re messing with) into man-sized karate practitioners. This original back-story also explains why the Turtles and their sensei, massive rat Splinter, live in the sewers in the first place.
What next? April O’Neill an intrepid underwear model? Shia LaBeouf as Casey Jones? One shudders to think what new abomination Bay has in store for unsuspecting frequenters of the multiplex.