Turtle Power from Alien Source?

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

"Green" does not necessarily mean "alien"

Michael Bay has once again infuriated back-story purists, this time among fans of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The Transformers director is set to helm the live-action reboot of the pizza-munching super-amphibians’ adventures, and has let slip that there is to be a new origin story in which Michelangelo, Donatello, Raphael and Leonardo are in fact aliens.

“Fans need to take a breath, and chill,” he posted on his website.  “Relax, we are including everything that made you become fans in the first place. We are just building a richer world.”

Now, as anyone over the age of 25 knows, the four turtles were unwanted pets flushed down a New York City toilet, where some radioactive gunk interacted with their genetic makeup, causing them to mutate (they are mutants, Michael. This is gospel you’re messing with) into man-sized karate practitioners. This original back-story also explains why the Turtles and their sensei, massive rat Splinter, live in the sewers in the first place.

What next? April O’Neill an intrepid underwear model? Shia LaBeouf as Casey Jones? One shudders to think what new abomination Bay has in store for unsuspecting frequenters of the multiplex.

About The Author

Katherine hails from South Africa, where she subsidised her uncompleted Masters in Film Studies by trying to persuade students there was more to film than the oeuvre of Steven Spielberg. Her portfolio of film criticism includes film column “The Maguffin” for iafrica.com (where the controversial “What Could a Nice Girl Like Me Have Against Forrest Gump?” caused quite a stir), a year as DVD Review editor for FHM and a lifetime of utter, unrelenting geekdom. Passionate about film in its many forms, she has a particular fondness for the Marx Brothers and David Cronenberg, and a DVD collection that takes up half her lounge.

One Response

  1. pete

    this is truly terrible news, who keeps giving michael bay work? come on now

    Reply

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