Ah, summer. Sunshine, sea, and being at one with nature. But movies have a knack of turning even the most pleasant creatures into objects of terror; the birds and the bees are less likely to hover amiably around your cider bottle as they are congregating to attack. We look at some of the greatest natural villains of modern cinema, that might just make you want to stay in and watch movies online instead of paddling in the sea. Who knows what’s lurking at the end of Southend Pier…
Giant squid
Film: 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (1954)
This creature took on Captain Nemo and the crew of his Nautilus submarine, so approach with caution if you spot it on your morning swim. While it was probably considered a special effects masterpiece back in 1954, today it would be dangerous for an entirely different reason – those rubbery, unrealistic tentacles are likely to have you erupting in fits of laughter, with risk of drowning the most likely outcome.
Crocodile
Film: Lake Placid (1999)
We all know that crocodiles are dangerous, but the producers of this film felt a need to hammer the point home by creating one that measured 30 ft. They then had it feast on B-list actors before it was destroyed, with its offspring starring in three made-for-TV sequels. If you happened to be a recurring character in the franchise, you would be sorted for shoes and handbags for years.
St Bernard dog
Film: Cujo (1983)
A dog is said to be man’s best friend, but not when it is bitten by a bat and contracts rabies. Then it tends to go a little crazy, stalking and killing people. We think of dogs as cute, loveable animals that sometimes bark at the postman, which is what makes this film all the more shocking. Any attempts to distract Cujo by making him chase his tail would probably end in failure.
Dinosaurs
Film: Jurassic Park (1993)
A theme park where the attractions eat the guests is how Jurassic Park is summed up during the course of the film. Granted, the antagonists here are still extinct, and have not yet been revived through the manipulation of DNA found in a fossilised mosquito, so the chances of anyone suffering that fate are slim. It still makes us wary of venturing on the log flume or rollercoaster, though.
Fish
Film: Piranha (1978)
Those pesky scientists, developing a highly aggressive strain of man-eating piranha fish for use in the Vietnam War – only somehow they have been released into the river system, descending on a holiday resort and mauling the guests. The James-Cameron-directed sequel introduced flying versions, which means you wouldn’t even be safe in your hotel room, or the spa.
Spiders
Film: Arachnophobia (1990)
Avoid any small Californian towns, as they might be housing a rare breed of killer spider originally from the Amazonian rain forest – that’s the biggest lesson to take from Arachnophobia. An example of the species ends up here by accident, breeding with a common house spider and creating a lethal army. If Spider-Man did what these spiders can, we don’t think we’d like him very much.
Birds
Film: The Birds (1963)
Birds can swoop in and attack at any time, catching you unawares and pecking you to death, as shown in this Alfred Hitchcock classic. Granted, it tends to be crows rather than sparrows or canaries, but it pays to be on the lookout. In one scene the birds gather on the climbing frame of a school, waiting to attack those inside – much scarier than bullies after your dinner money.
Bees
Film: The Swarm (1978)
Sure, bee stings hurt, but this particular swarm of African killer bees can send army helicopters crashing to the ground, and will invade schools or attack trains. Previously, their most impressive achievement had been coming together to form a beard on the faces of men hoping to break world records. That probably would not make for as exciting a film, though.
Gorilla
Film: King Kong (1933)
Originally discovered on a mysterious tropical island, then allowed to run rampant throughout New York, these might be two places to avoid if you don’t want to be trampled on by a giant gorilla. Sadly King Kong died at the end of the film, which is just as well – if he were to be kept in a zoo, imagine the size of the tyre hanging from a tree that would be needed to keep him entertained.
Great white shark
Film: Jaws (1975)
This creature was so monstrous, it was even awarded its own theme tune – da-dum, da-dum, da-dum. Spot its fin gliding through the water, and you’ll know it’s ready to feed. Police chief Martin Brody (Roy Schneider) had to rope in an oceanographer and a professional shark hunter to take down the original – and his reward was three not-as-good sequels.
If reading this has made you afraid to step outside, blinkbox can rescue you with the help of their May blockbuster releases. Who needs sunshine, anyway?
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